Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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