I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
