I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you had me at cake vodka
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
