It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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