It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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