I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
