pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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