What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
