I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am midnight drunk by noon
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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