A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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