How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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