When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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