last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
