so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
