im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
