the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
