Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
