During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He shit in the fireplace
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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