He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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