Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
