I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Actions speak louder than pants.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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