3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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