Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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