I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
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