Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
