So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
