i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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