some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
