Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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