the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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