Me. At least after what I've been through.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
