haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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