im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
