The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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