I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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