alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
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We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
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I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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