i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
