My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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