my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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