Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
