Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
