She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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