Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
