I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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