It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think I just sharted jello shots
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