I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
