My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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