You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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