she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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