aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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