God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
