6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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