as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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