Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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