I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
