Ambien. No doubt about it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
