The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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