i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
