My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize