How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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