I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
