you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
