Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
