My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
