she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
