fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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