guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
