My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
