just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
