I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize