Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
