Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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