Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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