I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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