people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
